There are now 7 billion humans on this miraculous oasis in the cold, harsh universe. Seven billion unique, individual, perfect, “in-his-own-image,” mammals to cut you off in rush hour traffic or to greet you as you walk into your local Wal-Mart. Thus it doesn’t matter who does what, just that someone fills the role, right? After all, a burger with fries is the same from Jenny or José.

And yes, I started out slinging burgers and fries at McDonald’s.

But as I moved up professionally in sales the societal expectation of generic, interchangeable interactions became more problematic. I noticed it first when I was selling kitchen knives but didn’t really learn much about what to do about it until I was working as a haberdasher (that sounds much more exciting than saying I sold suits, don’t you think?). It was retail so—as I may have seemed replaceable—my customers seemed a faceless, nameless stream. Well that was all fine and dandy until a former (big-spending) customer of mine came in to shop and it wasn’t my turn and I got relegated to the sidelines.

Or, as an artist, that you had worked for someone (and done a good job) and then the next time they needed a similar service they had started the search anew. It happens, and if it hasn’t happened to you yet, don’t worry, it will.

One way that I know of to prevent this is to build a relationship. To cause an affinity, but short of that to provide reminders of the fact that you are a living, breathing, unique person. You’re not just “the salesman” or “the photographer” you are John or Michelle (and by extension that you have a mortgage/car/student loan payment to make). I think the most effective way to do that is by introducing yourself and shaking hands.

Use your first and last name. Yes, I realize that they called you. Yes, it’s your studio. Yes, it’s your name on the door and it will be your signature on the print…but at that moment you are still just another generic professional.

Most people, when someone extends their hand and uses their first and last name, will do the same in return. Your job (aside from offering a “respectable” handshake) is to listen to, and remember, their name(s). I find it really helps to repeat it when you learn it, and again 30 seconds to 2 minutes later (and when you bid them farewell). Already forgot? Yeah, me too…no big deal, just tell them directly, “I’m sorry, I already forgot your name. What was it?” I have never seen someone take offense to it and I suspect that most are secretly relieved when I remind them of my name as well.

It helps me to remember if I can make an association. While on a photo shoot I recently met someone a woman named Christine, and that is my sister’s middle name, which made it easy to remember. I also think it is wise to comment (briefly) on a person’s name. For instance, my full name is Adam Powell, and there was a famous U.S. Congressman from New York named Adam (C.) Powell. [Thank you Ms. Jones for making me do that report on him in 4^th grade.]  I have been asked about it enough times in my life to be a bit ambivalent about the inquiry itself, but whenever it is made I know the other person was listening, that they “heard” me when I told them…Please, for the love of God, don’t drag me into some long discussion about the merits of his censure in the House of Representatives, but acknowledgment of the fact that you recognize my name will earn you some small credit (even if your historical knowledge doesn’t include that fact, ask me about Powell Peralta skateboards).

Even better if you can ask about a possible family connection, perhaps you went to high school with someone who shared my last name, or maybe you have an electrician…or read about so-and-so in the paper (with full condolences going out to my friend with the last name Milosevic when the U.S. was conducting military operations in Serbia in the late-1990’s). It is a rare thing indeed that I meet someone and can’t make some mental connection to something—and if that is the case I might enquire about the origins of their name.

As with all things in life, moderation is important here, if you meet 4 people you cannot offer a commentary on every single person’s name. You don’t want to be patronizing or phony. But taking the time to appropriately introduce yourself and to learn and use the names of others is a good way to make yourself seem more authentic and personable and to have others view you as an individual rather than a generic person satisfying a role, and the more people view you as a person who is a part of their life the better your ability to build trust and eventually increase your sales.

To Summarize: